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It felt like I won something when I lost those hairs.įor over a year, it was the oddest feeling to look at my hair like it was some strange, foreign object that absolutely didn’t belong where it was. If there was a knot, I roughly tugged at it until I was left with a clump in the palm of my hand. I’m going to keep my hair.”Īs the weeks passed, I developed a strange compulsive habit of running my hand through my hair until a few strands came out. If I hadn’t been raped, I wouldn’t want to chop my hair off, with all my soul. I only started hating my hair from the point when I woke up after being drug raped. I stared into the mirror and held my hair up between my index and middle finger trying to picture what I would look like if I cut it all off. I promised myself I would keep all my tresses untouched, even though I despised them. I wondered at this strange, new attitude towards my hair as an abuse and rape survivor.Īs I thought more about my strange, new attitude towards my hair, I suddenly understood where it all came from and resolved not to chop it off, the way my whole body screamed for me to. I felt this overwhelming desire to shave it all off. These dirty blonde tresses that made my elementary schoolmates call me “Goldilocks.” But now, I felt like my hair had failed me terribly, somehow. Now, when I looked in the bathroom mirror at this period of my life, my hair rested there lifeless around my shoulders, over my bare breasts. So many men fought me for dominion over my femininity, my sexuality, my power. The father of my children fought me in court then disappeared, my parents fought me for my kids then moved away, the rabbis fought me to stay silent and submissive, and then came the men who roofied and raped me. I was independent for the first time and that meant everything to me.īut unbeknownst to me, soon after I uncovered my hair, liberated my sexuality, my independence, my power, and my freedom-all the monsters came forth to fight me for it. I no longer had to ask for permission to use birth control. I no longer covered my hair with a wig, I no longer covered my elbows or my knees or my collar bones. I no longer had an abusive husband, nor a religion that I adhered to, nor a community to tell me what was right or wrong for me, my body, or my children. I had a lot to process considering that I was a newly divorced single mother with a young daughter and a beautiful baby boy. I stood naked in my bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. When using a search engine such as Google, Bing or Yahoo check the safe search settings where you can exclude adult content sites from your search results Īsk your internet service provider if they offer additional filters īe responsible, know what your children are doing online.What Motivates Rape Survivors to Cut Their Hair? This undocumented trend amongst rape survivors is real, and here’s why. Use family filters of your operating systems and/or browsers Other steps you can take to protect your children are: More information about the RTA Label and compatible services can be found here. Parental tools that are compatible with the RTA label will block access to this site. We use the "Restricted To Adults" (RTA) website label to better enable parental filtering. Protect your children from adult content and block access to this site by using parental controls.
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